Innocent blue eyes. :)

Occasionally, I write because I must...because the words just want to jump out of my buzzing head and onto a blank page. Today is one of those days. Earlier, as I was lying on the bed with my cello at my feet and my darling, 1-year-old sister in my arms. I looked into her big blue eyes, and it was as if time just stopped and was hanging there, suspended, waiting for me to grasp it once again. I realized that she would only be this age once. Tomorrow, she would be older, different, and once again, only that new age for a moment. This sparked me to think about all of the things that I do not look upon with adequate appreciation, and I came up with a few: a knowing look between two friends, an off-handed joke, October skies, warm laundry, time spent with someone I love, trials, my belief in God, the meaning behind every holiday, sticky notes on my laptop from friends, compliments, the first signs of winter, a healthy body...the list only goes on. 11:33 was the perfect time for me to realize tonight that my life is simply splendid. I have an amazing, supportive family, friends that I don't deserve, and an entire future calling to me. 

I know the heart of life is good. :)

I had kind of a rough day today, as everyone does every once in a while. :) I am a music major, and so I have the biased opinion that music can cure most things. I went in my room and just turned on one of my pandora stations. A song by John Mayer called The Heart of Life came on. One line really stuck out to me. I know the heart of life is good. How true it is. How beautifully it boosted my emotional state. Life is hard. Everyone says it, and everyone has a different definition of and relationship with the word 'hard'. There is one thing we can all be sure of...the heart of life is good. :) The bad days will no doubt be there, but the good ones are truly the heart of life. If we just take the time to look up and feel the sun shining on our faces, feel God's love raining down on us from above, we will feel that heart beating, keeping our lives alive and going. Life is so bittersweet. Just remember that sweet comes along with the bitter, though. Good times are coming. They are coming for YOU. I know they aren't visible yet, but they are there. I promise. Love life. Don't let it bog you down. Let it ONLY build you up!!!!! 

Sometimes it just takes a step in the mud...

Yesterday, I was having one of those "I am worthless and I can't do anything" sort of days. It was really my own fault, though. I had a terrible cello lesson because I hadn't practiced much, I was behind in history because I skipped the lectures to do the little practicing that I DID do, and the world just seemed more gray than usual. Today, I was ABOVE cloud nine. My practicing went beautifully, I accomplished a ton of studying, and I EVEN had time to hang out with some friends of mine. I learned that sometimes God shows you how to be a better and more responsible person by letting you fail sometimes. Sometimes, all it takes is a step in the mud to get you back on the right track. :)

This one is to today. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, TODAY. :)

It's 2:30am, but I have some things that need to be blogged--some serious peach fuzz problems. :) This post is dedicated to moving on. It is dedicated to new beginnings and fresh starts. I had the most AMAZING conversation with my roomate tonight, and we both just vented all of our worries about the future and relished on the sweet memories of our pasts. I realized that my past is beautiful, but it is gone. My future is hopefully beautiful too, but no amount of worrying in the world is going to improve my future in any way. I told her how I was having trouble moving on past a fantastic relationship that I really missed, but she simply told me that it is time to let my newest crush take over. "Just go with it! Just crush on him and love it!" is exactly what she said. She encouraged me to realize that there is a time for a fresh start and that time is now. Fresh starts are so scary. It is really hard to wipe clean that slate and prepare to fill it with fresh, new experiences. Coming back to college was especially hard this weekend. I left so many people at home that I really didn't want to...family, friends, love interests. ;) It took all of my power to walk up to my room and pack my laundry to go and then to drive out of my neighborhood. Life is so easy where everyone takes care of you and where my memories are beautiful, easy, and sweet. However, even though it is hard to move on past old friends, relationships, and memories back home, college is making me a more beautiful, mature individual. Paige, thank you for your conversation, and here's to new beginnings. Let's just say, I'm crushing on someone I probably won't ever have and who lives two hours away, but I am LOVING it. :) 

Just put one foot right after the other, and soon you'll be walkin out the dooooor. :)

Over the past 5 weeks, I have successfully drained a large amount of money out of my bank account, gained some ridiculously sore fingers, mailed my very first package, and done so many dishes that my hands turned all pruny, like when you stay in the bath tub for too long as a little kid. All of these things are components of a bigger picture--college life. One might ask why I talk about draining money and pruny fingers as part of it, but I will tell you why. I am gaining a lot from that money lost and fingers gone pruny. I am gaining experience. I came home yesterday for the weekend, and I ended up bringing my cello home with me. When I played for my mom and she cried because I have made so much progress in the past 6 weeks, I was overwhelmed with joy for those sore fingers and lack of money. I am grateful that I have the chance to pay for college, to practice my fingers to death, to mail packages, and to do dishes.
It is hard sometimes to gauge your own progression in life--we live minute by minute, day by day. Our sense of time is so limited. I feel like it was just yesterday that I picked up my instrument for the first time and squeaked out a horrible, nasty first note. Now, almost 10 years later, I am attending a university and studying the trade of my dreams on that same instrument. My progress has been great over the past 10 years. Don't judge yourself on a day-to-day basis. Give yourself a week, a month, a year, 10 years...then see what you have accomplished and what you can do. It takes time to develop skill, character, habits. I think that oftentimes, as is common to human nature, we are too hard on ourselves. Don't get me wrong, forcing yourself to do things that you don't necessary want to and that are hard is good. However, we have to remember that we are not super heroes. We are just simple, struggling human beings here on this earth to be tested, tried, beaten down, and lifted back up again. Progression is essential, but you can go to bed at night having only made a little tiny bit of progress, and still be satisfied with yourself, as long as you did your best that day. Music has taught me this like nothing else. Even if I only have one measure in-tune by the end of my 4 hour practice session, I have made progress.  That is enough for me, as long as I tried my best.
All in all, let's just say that college is teaching me a few things.


I have never appreciated a dishwasher more in my entire life. :)

What a beautiful life.

Fall settled in here. I am blissful. My darling roomate and I went on an incredible run this morning, and I can honestly say that I am on top of the world. When we got back, we sat in our cozy living room drinking wassail/hot chocolate, and I just started thinking. Why did God give us such a beautiful earth? In general, we are all selfish, prideful, and sinful. In general, today's population thinks of themselves before others and doesn't appreciate the many things that they have. I am guilty of all of the above. Why does God care enough for us to bless us with beautiful things? Perfect, rainy weather, vibrant red leaves, thunder storms, gray crisp mornings perfect for running...the list goes on. There is no logical reason to why He does what he does, but love isn't logical, is it. He loves us so much that he gives us things we don't deserve. I don't deserve my fantastic life, my wonderful roomates, my incredible opportunities. I guess the only thing to do is give back in any meager way that I can--build others up, pray constantly, and do my very best to take advantage of everything that I have been so graciously given. 

Bad to good in a moment. :)

Do you ever have days where you just feel like the entire world is against you? Do you ever feel like everything you stand for is being challenged? I am having one of those days--one of those days when the devil is really succeeding in making me question every aspect of my life... people who say something that upsets you and it gets you thinking on whether or not it is true... things that don't go the way they were planned to go... thoughts that creep into your head and eat away at every decision you have ever made and whether it was the right one or not. These are the days that make me want to curl up in a ball in some dark place, fall asleep, and not ever have to deal with the world again. Nothing exceptionally bad happened today--really. It is just one of those moments where you wonder whether or not you are in the right place doing the right thing at that moment. However, someone was inspired to help me tonight, and they shared a scripture with me. It says, "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps." --Psalms 16:9. After a long inward battle today, I pushed all of those crazy thoughts out of my head and let my mind be at peace. I think I like it here. I know that there will be more of these days to come, but I know that no matter what, the Lord will always direct my steps if I trust Him to. I am going to wake up with a smile tomorrow and a little more confidence and trust than I had today. I know that He is up there, not puppeting my life, but watching it and nudging me in the better direction. Always.