Angel in #2

So, last year I wrote about an Angel sent to #204....I'm still writing about that same Angel. Miss Cassandra Marie Childs....and in less than 30 days, it will be Sister Childs. Yes, I am obviously a very supportive friend and happy that she is going on a mission, but there is a little part of me that's dying inside and a few tears that have slipped out of my eyes when I think about the fact that she moves out tomorrow morning and isn't coming back. I can't help but think of the million laughs we've shared, the hardships she's helped me with, and the ever-constant smile that never leaves her face. Her positive attitude about everything never ceases to amaze me, and I am constantly in awe when it comes to her intense dedication to her schoolwork, her family, her friends, and God. She gives the absolute best advice anyone could ever ask for, and she ALWAYS knows how to help you. She is the most beautiful girl I know, and next semester really won't be the same without her. The best part of coming home every day is being roomies with you, Cass. :) I'll miss you more than you could possibly ever imagine. 18 months can NOT pass soon enough. :)

Thanksgiving--the reason for the season. :)

People are always curious about why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday...it's a reasonable sort of thing to be curious about. I'll tell you, though. I'll tell you EXACTLY why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love cuddling with my six, darling siblings to read books and not worry about time or a schedule. I love being with my amazing dad in the kitchen all day long--just cooking and cooking..something we both love. :) I love not having the possibility of getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday--there are no gifts to buy, no big concerts to attend, and no waking up at 4 AM. I love the simplicity of the idea of Thanksgiving...a whole day where we just get to revel in all of the wonderful blessings that God has given us. In my mind, there can't possibly be a more beautiful sort of day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Christmas hater...I'm just more of a Thanksgiving lover. Happy Thanksgiving, guys. :)

for Love. :)

I found this quote the other day...don't ask me where it's from or who said it, because I couldn't tell you. :) "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Now, for just a moment, close your eyes. Well, now you can't read this, so you'll open them again as soon as you figure that out. But I want you to close your eyes for just a minute and think about something that you view negatively. Think about a situation, a friend, a family member....now, I want you to picture yourself as Christ, and do the same thing again. I do not say this to be sacrilegious in any manner; I say it so that you can truly see this person or situation as Christ would. Where does their beauty lie? What are their strengths? Why were they put in your path? Now, I guarantee that if you intently study the situation as Christ would, your view of this person will change. I've had it happen to me. Today, someone told me that there are things in life that will outweigh anything wonderful that you can buy in this festive season of the year. The relationships that you have with people will outweigh that. Repair the broken relationships that you have with family members and friends this season. Don't let the disconnect still be there. There is no sweeter feeling than the healing that comes after that repair. It's what He would want....and really, it's what you want too. :)

not-so-accidental Interview. :)

I know that it has been said before, but God really does work in amazing ways. I can't help it. #I'mamormon. These posts come around every once in a while. :) Yesterday, a member of the bishopric texted me and asked if I could meet with the my Bishop today, and I willingly agreed. I was a little confused--I already had a calling, and my temple recommend was up to date...no mission plans either. Maybe he was going to chastise me for not doing my visiting teaching this past month........yeah..... Anyway, I put it to the back of my mind until today. I showed up at his office at the appointed time and he ushered me in. I sat down, still a little perplexed as to why I was there. He proceeded to say, "Jessica! How are you? You're here for a temple recommend, right?" Me: "Um, Bishop, you most certainly gave that to me last week." Bishop (dumbfounded): "Wait, really? Man! I thought I hadn't given you your recommend yet!!" Me (proceeded to pull recommend out of my wallet): "Well, you most certainly did!" So, instead of having a temple recommend interview, we just had a chat instead. I just sort of asked him some questions that had been weighing on my mind really heavily this past week, and the things he said were EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I needed a little bit of assurance this week, and that is how I got it. The Spirit knew that I needed to confide in someone and get some help this week, and He knew exactly how to get me into that office, because I am often too nervous to ask for help even if I need it. And maybe I didn't think that I needed that talk as much as I did, but afterwards I realized how much a simple conversation with a wonderful, spiritual Bishop had helped me. The Lord works in amazing ways, friends. I know that He is ALWAYS there for you, even if you are not there for Him. The church is true, guys. It really is. :)

The best kind of validation. :)

There is always an instance from my day that inspires a blog post. :) Today, my thoughts revolve around the social need and human desire for validation from those around us. We crave to have the people we love and care about support, praise, and love us. We constantly need the approval of our fellow men. As much as these sort of affirmations are a good thing, I think that sometimes it can diminish our light and dim the image that we perceive for ourselves. When we do something that we believe is noteworthy and then don't receive any recognition for it, most allow it to affect their souls and make them angry, hurt, or confused. I came to realize this morning though that we do not need the validation from others. Humans validate things that they perceive are noteworthy or praiseworthy. They can only give you validation from what they witness on the outside of you. God gives you validation and praise based on what He sees on the INSIDE of you. His acceptance and love are perfect and un-biased. He is not influenced by today's standards and ratings of what is good and what isn't. He is only influenced by what he sees in your heart. :) The next time that you are struggling, remember that even if no one else understands why you are making the decisions that you are (for me, it's not going on a mission), He does. As long as you are seeking to do what is right, He will ALWAYS find a way to endorse your actions. Christ gives the very best affirmations, and He always, always will. :)

Help to heal the hurt.

I can't help myself. This has been on my mind for a solid week. Like, all day every day for a week. 

2,000 years ago, a man committed the most solitary, unselfish act that has ever been done/recorded in the history of our knowledge of everything. What does the Atonement mean to you? Why is it personal? Why don't enough people understand it fully? Yesterday in sacrament meeting, my lightbulb powered by this subject turned completely and fully on for the first time in almost twenty years. The Atonement is a process of constant re-conversion--to ourselves, God, and the gospel. Every time we sin, we go back to it, and we become re-converted and stronger than we were before. I think that this is why the Atonement is so personal and deep. You can memorize the scriptures word-for-word and read every conference and Ensign talk that has ever existed in the history of this church, but until you come to Christ to be healed of pain or wrongdoing, you cannot fully experience what the Atonement is. When you go to Christ to be healed, his Atonement is the means to your becoming whole again, and that stays with you for eternity. To those who still do not feel like they have a solid understanding of the Atonement, I can assure you that you can have one this very day if you want it. GO to Christ. Seek His help, love, and healing. He will re-convert and heal you every. single. time. Now, at this point, you're probably all thinking that I have committed some major sin. ;) I can promise you that I have not. My lightbulb turned on for another reason. I have been battling with feeling alone for the past week. I am a home girl, and I have just really, really missed my family this week. Yesterday, our YSA ward held family day, and mine wasn't able to attend. As I looked out over the congregation of students and their families, it hit home just how much I really missed mine, and I cried. I realized that what I was feeling must be what our Heavenly parents feel when they see us making wrong choices here and realize that they will not get to be with all of us again. I think that they have probably cried, too. The Atonement healed me of my homesickness and loneliness this week, and I know that it can heal you of anything you are struggling with too. Christ atoned for YOU. He atoned for Hitler, Stalin, Ted Bundy, the terrorists who flew two planes full of innocent people into the twin towers 12 years ago, the people who martyred Joseph Smith, and YOU. You and me both. Go back to Him. He is waiting to give you that hug that you need when your family can't be with you on family day in your YSA ward. ;) He WILL give you at testimony of the Atonement, because you are giving Him the chance to forgive and bless you. God delights in nothing more than blessing and forgiving his children.

Why is she superwoman by today's standards?

Pinterest tonight is my inspiration. I mean, isn't that how women gain inspiration? Going to Pinterest? ;) I was looking through some of the quotes, and I was surprised by how many of them were really, really sarcastic, mean, and rude. Our world has turned a corner. In order to be an empowered and successful woman, by today's standards, you have to be tough, mean, and know how to "dish it out". You have to know how to tell people off and walk away with that proud, swinging gate of just having accomplished something. You have to know how to put others down in order to build yourself up, and you have to tell the world that you are a WOMAN, and you are INVINCIBLE. Since when did being mean and telling people off make you successful and powerful?

I began to wonder what happened to being soft-spoken, non-offensive, and warm hearted. I began to wonder why we feel the need to stir the pot so often to create drama...or I guess, ACCOMPLISH something and "set things straight". Whatever happened to courtesy, love, and acceptance? Whatever happened to being humble and approachable? As women we need to be genteel and kind. We need to be nurturing and open-hearted. We need to let go of grudges. I am not saying that we should not be successful in life and pursue the things we want, but why is it that a teacher who whispers has a quieter, more obedient class than the one who yells to gain the attention of her students? Let's stop role-playing the model of today's empowered and successful woman. Let's change the world by whispering. Let's be kind, loving, and infinitely more powerful because of it. Make a change today. Apologize first next time...don't write that nasty note to your neighbor who lets their dog poop in your yard...love as Christ did. Infinitely and purely. 

Just a box. :)

I had one of the most humbling experiences of my life today. I have been humbled before, but for some reason, this experience took me to a whole new level of gratitude today. I went to the cafe in the music building up here at USU, tired and sore after a long day of rehearsals, practicing, and classes. As I was sitting waiting for for my food, I noticed a young lady sitting on the couch across from my table. I observed her for a moment. She has a walker due to physical and mental handicaps. This isn't what humbled me, however. She had purchased a piece of cake that was packaged in a clear box. As I watched, she picked up that box and began to try to open it. Due to her handicaps, her hands were not physically able to open the box. I watched her struggle for just a moment, and then I couldn't take it any longer. I walked over and opened her cake box for her. As I sat back down at my table, I tried not to let the tears slip out of my eyes. This beautiful girl was going to school and doing amazing things with her life despite her struggles and disabilities. She couldn't even open a cake box on her own, but she is here, trying and learning. I realized how ungrateful I am sometimes for my education. It is such a blessing to be able to be here, learning and growing. I also realized that I really don't appreciate my functional body and mind. I take it for granted EVERY day. This girl humbled me beyond measure today. I am grateful for the opportunity that I had to help her....It made me appreciate my beautiful, charmed life. So today, I challenge you to be grateful. Grateful for your working hands and legs. Grateful for your sharp intellect. Don't take it for granted, guys. We can open our cake boxes on our own. 

Live and let love...

Quick. Love. Word association. What comes to your head first? This word evokes so many things for me. God, family, friends, school, autumn leaves, hand written letters, music, smiles, laughing...the list could go on forever. I began thinking today...why is it that we have such a hard time opening ourselves up and letting love rush in? Why is it hard for us to allow something so beautiful to overcome us? Why is it hard to let someone love you? I guess we accept the love we think we deserve...but we deserve it all. Ever single beautiful human being on this planet deserves to be infinitely happy. Every person deserves to find the people and things that make them the happiest. Don't be afraid to let people love you...you deserve it. There's risk that comes with being that way...I know. There is risk in everything though. We are all going to get hurt sometimes. The greatest risks yield the greatest rewards though. Risk it all. Open up. Let people love you. Love other people. BE HAPPY. :) I hope you all have a wonderful, happy, love-filled labor day weekend. :)

Adolescence caught in a whirlwind.

Ghandi said it perfectly. "There is more to life than increasing its speed." Let's be honest. Us pre-adult, post-teens are stuck in a sticky situation. Tv shows move too quickly, life is changing by the day, and we are having to make crazy big decisions on a weekly basis. I mean, eating Froot Loops for breakfast could TOTALLY stunt any hopes of me growing in the next few years. I still have time to do that right? Or don't I? AH! We are pushed at this stage in our lives to make big, big decisions: pick a college, pick a major, pick your breakfast, pick a husband..you know. Big stuff. We are caught in a whirlwind of decisions, frantically trying to make the right one. I realized something tonight though. We are all going to screw up. We're going to make mistakes, and that is totally okay. Take TIME to mess up. Enjoy your life. There is more to it than increasing its speed. There is no need to rush our lives ahead. Be proactive and progressive but not hasty. ENJOY college. ENJOY high school. ENJOY. LIFE. Make the best of every single day. Don't try to rush into things. The right things will come, and you will know and love it. :) That doesn't mean you don't have to stop looking, it just means that you don't have to keep chasing and running. So, as for me, I'm going lean back in my seat and just enjoy the ride. Come what may and love it. 

We create chains from fishing line.

Confusing title? Let me try and explain. So, my family has been preparing for a camping trip in the past few days (yay!). We've been grocery shopping, cleaning, over-analyzing, and stressing. A few of us ended up in the kitchen tonight, and someone started arguing with somebody else. It erupted from there, and I think there are four people in their arguing now. I am on the back porch enjoying the lovely 7:00 breeze and luke-warm shade. :) I came out here so that I would not start arguing, and then it got me thinking. We have SO much to do still, and my family is in there bickering away their time! (Don't get me wrong, this is natural. Everybody argues every once in a while) Packing for a family of 9 is no easy task, especially when the four youngest can't pack for themselves. :) This is where the fishing line comes in. Satan is so good at working his havoc unnoticed. Had I not come outside to avoid the arguments, I wouldn't have realized what he was doing. He started that argument in there, and that is now putting us behind in our packing and preparation. Being behind in that is going to cause massive amounts of stress tomorrow, which will just lead to even angrier conversations. He ties us with the fishing line, first, and then we make it into chains by letting him provoke us into making the first mistake. We are the ones who continue to argue and let time slip away doing so, and that is what creates the chains that he holds onto us with later. So, it's been about half an hour now. They might be wrapped in twine in there by now. ;) I guess I just want to say WATCH OUT!!!!! Don't let him get ahold of you. Figure out how to spot his temptations from a mile away, and then RUN in the other direction. That way you can make it out the door to camp on time and prepared. :)

Broken drawer for a prayer.

I am laughing while I write this. Really. As I was crawling into bed tonight, I decided that I would write in my journal before I went to bed. Well, I didn't have a pen handy, so I naturally went nosing in my little sister's nightstand drawer to find one. The dresser drawer wouldn't open. That was my fault too. I took it upon myself to do some serious organizing while she is at girls camp, and a book that I had placed in that drawer was keeping it from opening. Flustered, I started pulling at the drawer and wiggling it in every which way in an unsuccessful attempt to get it open. Finally, I surrendered and dropped down on my knees. "Heavenly Father, please just let this drawer open. I really, really need a pen. Also, I don't want Holly to be mad that I organized her drawers so well that they won't open." My prayer was answered. When I went to pull the drawer open again, SURPRISE! The WHOLE FRONT of the drawer popped off. I sat stunned for a minute while I questioned the way that my prayer was answered, and then had to laugh before I went downstairs and sheepishly admitted to my mother what I had done. Needless to say, I am going to be learning how to fix a broken dresser drawer this week. :) Now, I suppose I could look at this situation two ways. First case scenario: Heavenly Father was punishing me for messing around in my sister's drawers and trying to organize them (without her consent). Second case scenario: God is trying to teach me that prayers aren't always answered how you think or wish that they will be, and He has a sense of humor. The latter sounds a little more appealing, so I think I'll go with that one. Anyhow, I just thought I would share my thought for tonight, and that is that our prayers will most likely not be answered in the way that we expect, but they can oftentimes be answered in the ways we want. I wanted the drawer to open, but I was certainly not expecting the front of it to break off in order for me to get that pen. Be on the lookout...be aware of when and how He is answering your prayers, because he will ALWAYS answer them, even if he has to break a drawer to do it. :)

Good morning, sunshine. :)

I woke up to those three words today. Good morning sunshine!! It was the best start to my day. :) And now, as I'm about to go to sleep, I started thinking about what I'm going to do tomorrow after I wake up again. I am going to teach a cello lesson, probably mess around on my computer for a while, paint a playhouse, do some weeding, practice my cello, and then maybe try and motivate myself to exercise. Then I realized that it is now 12:24 in the morning, and I'm not in bed yet. That means I am going to be tired tomorrow when I wake up.... I don't really want to think about waking up. Finally, just barely, the bomb hit me. How lucky am I that I WOKE. UP. this morning? That means that I am living, breathing, and laughing. I'm still enjoying my life. There are so many stories on the news these days about young deaths--suicides, car accidents, drug overdoses. I really am blessed to still be alive right now. Right here, typing on my computer. I suppose you never know when your time will come to go, but I hope that mine won't come for a while. I want to wake up to good morning sunshine many, many more times. I want to practice my instrument, exercise, and paint playhouses many more times. Even though my days all seem to mush into one big, long trek through work and life, I am grateful to be here. I'm grateful for my friends and family and for the wonderful life that I am leading. So here's to tomorrow morning. Here's to good morning, sunshine. Here's to making tomorrow great and appreciating every single minute of it. 

:)

I was feeling a little bit of cabin fever today, and so I went on a walk. Naturally. To avoid my cabin. Get rid of my fever. ;) I was walking down the little quaint road out of my neighborhood, and something struck me. Like hard. Why is it that nature that has been untouched by us is so beautiful, raw, and perfect? Why is it that families like to take their pictures outside? Why is it that pictures outside with people in them are the best kind of pictures? I think I figured it out. At least a little. Untouched nature is God's space. It's His creation and the details that He understands and we don't. It's His beauty and a sign of love for us--something for us to enjoy and appreciate. God creates beauty and peace, right? That's where the whole people in the pictures comes in--family. It's beautiful. It's from God. God creates beautiful things for us. Why? Why do we deserve endless fields of tall grass and wildflowers and loving people in our lives who hug us while we push them away? Truth is, we don't. None of us have lived perfect enough lives to deserve any of it. I guess the only way to give back is to appreciate it and treasure it. Always carry your glass half full, and notice all of the amazing things around you. :) Life truly is beautiful. 

This is an "us" thing.

The inspiration for this post comes from a talk that was given in my Stake Conference a while back. Our stake president gave a message to us, and one line of it really stuck out to me. Life is not an "I" thing, but an "us" thing. Is that not so true? We are here on this earth for each other. We are here to help each other, to teach each other, to learn from each other, and to progress together. There is a reason God didn't send us each to our own planet by ourselves. We need each other to be tested and to help others through their tests, also. My shout out today goes to Estelle Carr. Yes, I know. My facebook has been covered with posts about her for the past few days, but what can I say? She is an inspiration to me, and one of the very best friends I have ever had. She knows how to make everyone around her happy, and she is so good at making you feel important. She really grasps the concept of the "us" thing. Maybe we'll all figure it out one day, and the world will be a better place. :)

Brownie Pan. :)

The other night I had a sugar craving at midnight that landed me in the kitchen making brownies. :) When they were finished, I was dishing them up, and the different kids who had mysteriously woken from their deep slumbers were telling me whether or not they wanted a corner, side, or middle piece. Well, when you have a family of 9, the brownies disappear pretty quickly. Finally, there was just one brownie left--a corner one. My little sister asked if I wanted it, and I told her no. I don't like the corner pieces. She does, so she took it. That is where my thinking began. Each member of my family likes a different brownie. That is what makes each of them happy and what gets rid of the entire pan. I mean, if we all only liked the middle pieces, someone would either always be unsatisfied, or there would always be a layer around the edge that didn't get eaten. It takes all sorts of people to make the world go round, to make an entire pan of brownies disappear. It takes a wide range of personalities to make a family function and learn from each other. Lately, I have been worried that my major isn't really going to get me anywhere big and successful in life. My mom, who usually sheds light on the situations that need shedding light on, reminded me that I didn't have to be big and successful to make a difference. The world takes all different sorts of people to make things work. If we were all big and successful, no one would be! There would be no motivation to work harder and progress. Even if I never become some big name cellist, I will be content with just working as hard as I feel I can and maybe teaching future big name cellists. I guess I'm content with being the person in the world and my family who likes the middle brownie. It's okay not to have some huge, important career or dream. My dreams are to get married, be a mom, teach cello students, and play in the OTS someday, and that is enough. Everyone else can finish off the rest of the pan. :)

cour-age.

So, that first step off of the cliff when you are repelling is the worst, right? The push to jump off of that high dive...putting that first piece of sushi in your mouth, looking through the bottom of a glass elevator, etc. I was thinking today on my long drive home from one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. All it takes to sever your fears of unknown and new things is 5 seconds of insane courage. It takes breathing out and pushing yourself off of that cliff, letting gravity pull you from the high dive, plugging your nose and shoving that seaweed, rice, and raw fish into your mouth (I love sushi, for the record). I think that courage isn't bravery and strength, but rather the trust that it is going to be okay in the end. My trusty friend dictionary.com defines courage in this way : cour-age. noun. 1. The quality of mind of spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc, without fear.  The quality of mind or spirit...what a beautiful way to describe it. You have to have a strong quality of mind and spirit. You have to calm your fears in your mind and remember calm your spirit and know that God has a way planned for you. Now, I am not saying that trying a piece of sushi for the first time is going to change your life in some huge way or anything, but trying that strengthened your mind and spirit. It gave you a little more will power. Courage. Try it today. Do something new. Trust that He is going to help you out. :)

Gray to Sunny. :)

Today has been kind of an icky day...ya know? Everybody has one of them every once in a while. I am missing my family a lot, missing other people a lot, having a hard time being engaged in life....just feeling blah. Sometimes it is so easy to get down into a rut--so easy to just not be motivated to do anything. I realized today that strength is making, even forcing, yourself to do something when you very least want to do it. For me, it was getting out of bed today. It was practicing today. It was reminding myself that I am loved today. Once I did all of those things, my day turned around a little. Yes, it is still gray and sleeting outside (NEVER. MOVE. TO. LOGAN. ;) ), my day hasn't been perfect, my knees ache from the weather, and I am way over my head in things to do, but it's okay. It's okay because I chose to be happy, and I pushed my way through the things that I wanted to do the very least today. YOU can do it today, too. While you're at it...be happy tomorrow, and the next day, and the next one after that. Smiling is good for you, laughing keeps you healthy, and being happy keeps you glowing. :)

all you have to do is ask. :)

This past week has been crazy! Should we start from the beginning? It really all revolves around one thing...housing for next year up at school. haha. So, this past Sunday, my roomates and I were sitting in church, and we realized it was fast Sunday...much too late to have fasted, of course. That evening when I went to bed, I prayed that I would somehow in the next week gain a greater testimony of fasting. Boy did I ever.
In the first week or two of December, I began doing a little research on where my two roomates and I were going to live next year. In the next few days after I started looking, we found this really great apartment and were the very first three put on the waiting list to sign contracts for the upcoming year. I didn't think much more about housing until this past week. The manager of the apartment called and informed me on Monday that she only had two spots available for next year, not three. Did I want them? Was one of us going to leave and live somewhere else? I wasn't really too fond of the idea. She said that we would have to sign our contracts on Wednesday if we wanted the spots. I was super frustrated. I had researched and researched for good apartments, found a really reasonably priced one with some awesome amenities, cheaper utilities...why?! So, I began the hunt again. Nothing was working out..Wednesday was coming...stress...stress stress stress. So, we found another option that wasn't as desirable as the one we were on the list for, but it would do. Tuesday night, before we would sign contracts the next day, we all fasted to make sure we were making the right choice of where to live for the upcoming school year. Wednesday rolls around, and I receive a phone call at about 2:00pm...a third spot opened up at our original apartment. I couldn't even believe it. I immediately closed my eyes and thanked Heavenly Father...I realized at that moment that He had answered my prayer from the previous Sunday. Fasting is a true principle, my friends. I have never been very good at it, and I have vowed to myself from now on that I will do nothing but my best to be better at it. The Lord is so good. He will always answer you. All  you have to do is ask. :) Have a BEAUTIFUL day. 

V-day EVERY day. :)

Yeah, yeah, I'm a little late. What can I say? I'm busy sometimes. ;) My inspiration tonight sort of revolves around Valentines day. This past valentines day got me thinking...what if EVERYONE showed love to someone who wasn't expecting it from them on Valentine's day. I mean, what if you gave a candy bar and sweet note to someone that you didn't get along with very well, or someone who didn't get to visit home from college for the weekend. I suppose my point is that I don't think Valentines day should just be for sweethearts and gushy married couples. ;) EVERYONE needs love, not just those with boyfriends and spouses. Now, Valentines day isn't the only day that people need to feel loved...EVERY day people need to feel loved. In the past week, I heard of 4 high school student suicides. I didn't personally know any of them, but my heart ached to think about four precious lives ended at such a young, green age. What if someone had shown them a little love that they needed when they were at their lowest? I know there are a lot of 'what if's' here..but hey, what if YOU saved someones life by showing a little love. You never know what impact you can have even by doing the simplest of acts. So, what's your next move? Who needs YOU?! :) Happy valentines day, every day, friends. <3

Gift of life everafter and donuts.

Sunday school was amazing today. Okay, fine, this is going to be one of those typical "THE CHURCH IS TRUE!!!" sort of blog posts, but I can't really help myself. It's that time of the night, and my blogging desire runneth over. ;)  So, this may seem a little long, but I put the story from Sunday school here so that you can understand why I have been so moved today.

There was a boy by the name of Steve who was attending Seminary in Utah. In this Seminary classes are held during school hours. Brother Christianson taught Seminary at this particular school. He had an open-door policy and would take in any student that had been thrown out of another class as long as they would abide by his rules. Steve had been kicked out of his sixth period and no other teacher wanted him, so he went into Brother Christianson’s Seminary class.
 
 Steve was told that he could not be late, so he arrived just seconds before the bell rang and he would sit in the very back of the room. He would also be the first to leave after the class was over.
 
 One day, Brother Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. After class, Bro.
 Christianson pulled Steve aside and said, ‘You think you’re pretty tough, don’t you?’
 
 Steve’s answer was, ‘Yeah, I do.’
 
 Then Brother Christianson asked, ‘How many push-ups can you do?’
 
 Steve said, ‘I do about 200 every night.’
 
 ’200? That’s pretty good, Steve,’ Brother Christianson said. ‘Do you think you could do 300?’
 
 Steve replied, ‘I don’t know… I’ve never done 300 at a time.’
 
 ’Do you think you could?’ Again asked Brother Christianson.
 
 ’Well, I can try,’ said Steve.
 
 ’Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I need you to do 300 in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it,’ Brother Christianson said. Steve said, ‘Well… I think I can… yeah, I can do it.’
 
 Brother Christianson said, ‘Good! I need you to do this on Friday.’
 
 Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the ro om. When class started, Brother Christianson pulled out a big box of donuts. Now these weren’t the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited-it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend.
 
 Bro. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, ‘Cynthia, do you want a donut?’
 
 Cynthia said, ‘Yes.’
 
 Bro. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, ‘Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?’
 
 Steve said, ‘Sure,’ and jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Bro. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia’s desk.
 
 Bro. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, ‘Joe do you want a donut?’
 
 Joe said, ‘Yes.’ Bro. Christianson asked, ‘Steve would you do ten push- ups so Joe can have a donut?’ Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut.
 
 And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten pushups for every person before they got their donut. And down the second aisle, till Bro. Christianson came to Scott.
 
 Scott was captain of the football team and center of the basketball team. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. Then Bro. Christianson asked, ‘Scott do you want a donut?’
 
 Scott’s reply was, ‘Well, can I do my own pushups?’
 
 Bro. Christianson said, ‘No, Steve has to do them.’
 
 Then Scott said, ‘Well, I don’t want one then.’
 
 Bro. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, ‘Steve, would you do ten pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn’t want?’
 
 Steve started to do ten pushups. Scott said, ‘HEY! I said I didn’t want one!’
 < BR> Bro. Christianson said, ‘Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don’t want it.’ And he put a donut on Scott’s desk.
 
 Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Bro. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.
 
 Bro. Christianson asked Jenny, ‘Jenny, do you want a donut?’
 
 Jenny said, ‘No.’
 
 Then Bro. Christianson asked Steve, ‘Steve, would you do ten pushups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn’t want?’ Steve did ten, Jenny got a donut.
 
 By now, the students were beginning to say ‘No’ and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve was also having to really put forth a lot of eff ort to get these pushups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.
 
 Bro. Christianson asked Robert to watch Steve to make sure he did ten pushups in a set because he couldn’t bear to watch all of Steve’s work for all of those uneaten donuts. So Robert began to watch Steve closely. Bro. Christianson started down the fourth row.
 
 During his class, however, some students had wandered in and sat along the heaters along the sides of the room. When Bro. Christianson realized this; he did a quick count and saw 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.
 
 Bro. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.
 
 Steve asked Bro. Christianson, ‘Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?’
 
 Bro. Christianson thought for a moment, ‘Well, they’re your pushups. You can do them any way that you want.’ And Bro. Christianson went on.
 
 A few moments later, Jason came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled, ‘NO! Don’t come in! Stay out!’
 
 Jason didn’t know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, ‘No, let him come.’
 
 Bro. Christianson said, ‘You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him.’
 
 Steve said, ‘Yes, let him come in.’
 
 Bro. Christianson said, ‘Okay, I’ll let you get Jason’s out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?’
 
 ’Yes.’
 
 ’Steve, will you do ten pushups so that Jason can have a donut?’ Steve did ten pushups very slowly an d with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.
 
 Bro. Christianson finished the fourth row, then started on those seated on the heaters. Steve’s arms were now shaking with each pushup in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was dropping off of his face and, by this time, there was not a dry eye in the room.
 
 The very last two girls in the room were cheerleaders and very popular. Bro. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, ‘Linda, do you want a doughnut?
 
 Linda said, very sadly, ‘No, thank you.’
 
 Bro. Christianson asked Steve, ‘Steve, would you do ten pushups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn’t want?’
 
 Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow pushups for Linda. Then Bro. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. ‘Susan, do you want a donut?’
 
 Susan, with tears down her face, asked , ‘Bro. Christianson , can I help him?’
 
 Bro. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, ‘No, he has to do it alone, Steve, would you do ten pushups so Susan can have a donut?’
 

 As Steve very slowly finished his last pushup, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.
 

Brother Christianson turned to the room and said. ‘And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, plead to the Father, ‘Into thy hands I commend my spirit.’ With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, he collapsed on the cross and died. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten.’ .
  

When everyone in the classroom heard what the teacher meant by it and realized everything. Steve smiled on the ground where he laid in his own sweat and began to cry.

I guess the only thing I have left to say is, are you going to leave your donut uneaten and untouched on your desk? For how long?

Bliss [blis]: pure happiness.

Something beautiful is happening; life. What's not to love? I realized at the end of the day today that I am blessed beyond anything that I could possibly ever deserve. I have the sweetest, most genuine family, the best friends ANY girl could ask for, and the knowledge of an all-knowing God who is available to me anytime I am willing to get down on my knees. Days like these are the ones that make all of the bad days so hard to remember, so blurry in my memory. I am filled with pure, innocent bliss. Bring on a new day and 14 hours at the music building. This girl will be smiling. :)

I'm FREEEEE falling. :)

Free falling? What? Alright. I'll explain myself. I have found that being in college and somewhat independent (I am definitely still dependent on late night talks with my roomies and sobbing phone calls with my mama) means making HUGE, scary, intense, life-changing decisions. Well, I think I've been thinking about everything way too much lately. I have just been questioning every decision that I have made thus far and every decision that I thought I had made for the future. Tonight, I was just talking with one of my greatest friends and roomies, Paige, and I came to a realization due to a little inspiration from her. It is time to jump out of the plane and give God the pull-string to my parachute. Mission? Still a maybe. Utah State next year? Possibly still looking hopeful....man, I have no idea. All I know is that I am going to enjoy every minute of not having to stress for the next little while and have a peaceful ride back down to solid ground where I will finally have enough direction to make some serious decisions. No doubt, I will definitely have to make decisions at some point. But as for now, I think He is giving me a little rest and letting me ease into the new semester with the calming assurance that my answers will come when I am finally at peace enough to receive them. But as for now, bring on the fall baby!